Hello To You Too, Lover
by gimmegimmeerrything
Summary: A series of love letters Blair wrote to Chuck and never sent because Blair Waldorf is best at keeping things sealed up in her heart.
1. Knowing

**I'm going through _Gossip Girl _withdrawal this summer, as I'm sure many of you are, and I just had to write something CB. This came from rewatching the limo scene on youtube and again marveling at the sheer perfection. Just the way they hold each other makes me shiver.**

**Oh, and each chapter is going to be loosely based off of a song, and I strongly recommend listening to the song while reading. You know, for the full effect. :)**

**Disclaimer - Sadly, I do not own _Gossip Girl_. It belongs to the wonderful Cecily von Ziegesar and equally enchanting Josh Schwartz.  
**

**Read and tell me what you think please!**

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_**Knowing**  
_

_You are the nighttime fear  
You are the morning when it's clear  
When it's over, you're the start  
You're my head, you're my heart_

"No Light No Light" by Florence and the Machine

...

You ask me if I'm sure, and the truth is that I've never been less sure or more afraid of anything in my life. I take the plunge anyway and close the distance between us because with you I don't feel like prim and proper Blair Waldorf. With you, I'm free Blair, crazy Blair with a dash of psychotic Blair.

Your fingers are splayed across my arm and you handle me like I'm the most fragile being you've ever held, ever kissed. Like your world revolves around me, if only for that moment.

My slip comes off and my tights and so does your jacket and your shirt and your bow tie and your pants until all that's left is me in nothing and you in your blue and white checkered socks and I giggle because I realize that they're your lucky socks and well, you got lucky tonight.

There's a moment before you enter me for the first time when you freeze and look into my eyes and I remember that you are little Chuck Bass who pulled my hair and pushed and shoved me on the playground and moody Chuck Bass whose biting remarks still sting to this day. You're disgusting, slimy, sleazy Chuck Bass, the boy mothers and fathers pray their little girls never meet.

Yet you're watchful Chuck Bass who always makes sure I never get too drunk and encouraging Chuck Bass who makes me feel better after a scolding from my mother in that sly way of yours and concerned Chuck Bass whose rough fingers that pulled my hair back in kindergarten hold it back when I'm heaving into my true throne. Thoughtful, helpful, caring Chuck Bass, at least to me.

Are you sure?

Yes. I am sure. Take me because tonight, I am yours and you are mine. You'll dive into me and we'll twist and writhe and moan in the darkness, where we belong. Then when the light of dawn appears in the sky, we'll pretend like it never happened. Like we didn't share seconds and minutes and hours of moments that took both of our breaths away.

All I ask tonight is please, please, please just make me feel like I belong.

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**Ahh, so many season one feels! I really, really miss season one. _Gossip Girl _truly used to be good television. I only stick around now for the characters that I've come to love, in the hopes that season six will live up to my high expectations. Who knows? Maybe it will.**

**Stick around for the next installment!**


	2. Lies

**I am having such a good time writing these. I love watching old Chuck and Blair scenes and trying to figure out what they might be thinking.**

**Read and review, por favor! **

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_**Lies**_

_If we feel it back u__p  
__Amphetamine rush  
__Set me on fire tonight tonight_

"Chemicals" by Breathe Carolina

...

Butterflies, you say. Fluttering in your stomach. My first instinct is to think that that is a complete and total lie because I'm not the type of girl to invoke butterflies in anyone's stomach. You'll find that girl with her flowing blonde hair and golden skin elsewhere. Rest assured that I'm not anything like her.

I told you that I wanted you to murder them, but I lied. That's another thing you should - and most certainly do - know about me. All I ever do is lie lie lie and never feel guilty about it. I don't want your butterflies to ever go away. I want you to dream about headbands and stockings and limos every single night and I want you to wake up, breathing heavily, your thoughts filled with nothing but me and the butterflies.

You give me pretty things and tell me I'm beautiful and hold me the way I always wanted my prince to touch me. You're not my prince, though. You're full of darkness and sharp edges and you scare me sometimes.

But most of the time you make me want to rip off the measly fabric covering your body and caress you in ways no one would expect perfect Blair to touch anyone.

No, you're not my prince. You are my Dark Knight, my savior. Because contrary to popular belief, even Blair Waldorf needs someone to put his arms around her and keep her warm.

You kiss my shoulder with your pink lips and apologize even though you're the one keeping me here. You're the one who consumes my thoughts and you're the one I want by my side.

You spend the night thrusting into me again and again and again until I can't even remember my name. Blair who? I'm not scared little Blair anymore; I am the Queen B and you are my King and we will rule one day.

The next morning, though, I push you aside and ignore your pleading for me to stay just a little while. Because above all, I am petrified of the way you make me feel. I want it more than anything, but it is also the one thing I do not want. I'm Blair Waldorf and my heart calls out for you but my head wants safety and practicality.

So I go home and cleanse myself of your smell and your touch and your taste and I hang up that black dress next to the slip I danced for you in and I slowly lock myself in the cage again and pretend that I haven't been touched by you.

I tell myself I hate you. I sit in front of the mirror and whisper the words: I hate you I hate you I hate you. I figure the more I say the words, the more they'll become true.

I hate you.

But never leave me.

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**Thank you so much to ellibells and scarlett2u for your reviews!**


	3. Signature

**I am so, so sorry that this update took so long. I unexpectedly went on a vacation, and I literally had no time to even use a computer. I hope you all don't hate me!**

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_**Signature**  
_

_This is a place where I don't feel alone  
This is a place where I feel at home  
And I built a home for you, for me_

"To Build A Home" by The Cinematic Orchestra

...

We stay up all night plotting and scheming and I am afraid to admit that this is the most alive, the most warm, the most free I have felt in a long time.

The reason I push you away, the reason I bite you with my insults, the reason I am so afraid to let you in is that the way you make me feel scares me. I have never felt this way about anyone, this overwhelming feeling of protectiveness and caring and...something else that I'm not quite ready to accept yet.

Who? What? When? Where? Why?

I ask these questions, but I know the answers. I have always known the answers.

It is only when you leave that I realize that you have left your scarf on my floor. It smells like you, it makes it seem like I am in your arms again. I have half a mind to keep it forever, but you'd most likely hunt me down and pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Yet it is your signature scarf, so doesn't it make sense that I should have it? When you finally tire of me and leave - something that is inevitable - I deserve to have something that reminds me of the short time in which I actually felt like I belonged somewhere, that I am worth something.

Your signature scarf, your signature scent, your signature clothing. These are the only things I will have left of you because I know that I can never really have the real you. I'll have to settle for these products of Chuck Bass. Never the whole Chuck, just parts of him.

You're going to leave me. I'm sure of it.

And when you do, I will be in pieces.

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**Thank you so much to fiona249, VeraDeDiamant, EmjiiB, Annerl, scarlett2u, and Dr. Holland for your wonderful reviews! You guys are my inspiration to keep writing.**


	4. Wanting

**Okay, what? Haha I know you guys will want to know why I skipped ahead to the season three finale, but I just had a stroke of inspiration while rewatching 3x22. I've realized that it's futile to try and keep these in order because my mind jumps all over the place. No worries, though, I'll definitely go back and do the previous moments as they strike my fancy.**

**This is the scene in 3x22 right before Chuck begins to propose to Blair. I just love that look of anticipation on her face. I'd recommend going back and watching that scene. :)**

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**_Wanting_**

_Our love was lost but now we've found it_

_Our love was lost and hope was gone_

_Our love was lost but now we've found it_

_And if you flash your heart, I won't deny it_

"Love Lost" by The Temper Trap

...

I'm finally ready. I'm ready to give in to you and to be yours, completely and utterly yours. It was stupid of me to think that I could try giving my heart to someone else because we both know that that just isn't possible.

You stole it away two years ago, and you never gave it back.

I want you to keep it. Never give it back. I don't want my heart to be mine; I want it to be ours.

I look into your eyes, glimmering with love and happiness and something else I can't quite define. I don't know why, but this feels defining. Not defining like when I became queen of Constance or when I graduated from high school or even when I bought my first headband.

Defining as in...the universe is holding its breath at this moment, waiting and watching because something big is about to happen.

I desperately want to tell you I love you, to let you know that all of the hurt and the pain that has led up to this moment doesn't matter anymore. It's you and me until the end, whether you like it or not. (You'd better like it, mister.)

I want to give you the world - even though you could probably buy it yourself - and show you that you don't have to be scared. You don't have to feel alone or inferior or useless. You, Chuck Bass, are worth loving, no matter what anyone tells you. No matter what you tell yourself.

You are wonderful, you boy billionaire, you. Your best friend loves you. Your sister loves you. Your mother loves you. No, not that horrible woman who screwed you over. Your real mother, the lady who started out as your attractive - don't deny it, I know you thought she was more than a little pretty - stepmother and turned into this guiding light in your life.

I love you.

_"Will you - "_

_"Humphrey, have you lost your mind? What the hell are you doing?"_

_"You. Tell her."_

_"Tell me what? What's going on?"_

All hell breaks lose.

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**Aaaand scene. Isn't that just the worst? I really, really hate the end of season three.**

**Did you guys like it? What'd you think? Review, please!**

**Thank you, thank you to Bella'tjie, Dr. Holland, pty, ellibells, VeraDeDiamant, and scarlett2u for your marvelous reviews!**

**Oh, and check out my new story, Carry Me Home. It would mean a lot to hear your thoughts on that too!**


	5. Three

**What? She's actually updating? Yes, it seems so. Enjoy the chapter, and sorry for the long wait!**

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_**Three**_

_I don't quite know how to say how I feel_

_Those three words are said too much_

_They're not enough_

"Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol

...

Remember all the nights I would be crying alone in my room because of something Nate or Serena or my mother said, and you'd come over and lie next to me, and we would watch Tiffany's?

Those wonderful moments are running through my mind now as I face you and your beautiful eyes and your white suit that blinds me. Or maybe it's you that blinds me, makes me feel as if I will never be able to think clearly again. My brain is almost fuzzy, even though I haven't had a single drink tonight.

I'm drunk on you.

People can belong to each other. You belong to me, and I belong to you. So why can't you say it? It's all I want.

Your hands are gripping mine and your eyes are pleading with me not to go, and yet you cannot open your lovely mouth and tell me those three little words that would change everything, that would make me never want to leave you.

It isn't so hard; I can give you many sets of three words.

I miss you.

I want you.

Never leave me.

You complete me.

You are sacred.

I love you.

I can see the walls coming up around you again, and all I can do is push and scream and battle until you give in. I'll fight you tooth and nail if I have to. There they are, the solid iron barriers that you surround yourself with so that you never have to be human with anyone.

I hate them. (A three word combination you might not like as much.)

But never fear.

I'll break though.

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**That is one of my favorite scenes, second only to maybe the limo. **

**Thank you to Dr. Holland, pty, ellibells, lovetvtomuchxo, and EmiEllie for your wonderful reviews!**

**Also, I am so honored to have been nominated for Best Blair in the Chuck and Blair Fan Awards on tumblr. It's so amazing because Blair has always been my favorite character, and it's great to know that some people think I write her well. Especially since my fellow nominees are so brilliant.**

**Review por favor! :)**


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